Well, that time of year is upon us again: the most wonderful time of the year!  Really??

Holidays can definitely be difficult for the divorced or blended family. The important thing is to not let the kids notice it's difficult. We need to focus on making this time of year a special time for our children rather than arguing with our ex-spouse about schedules and gifts, at least not in front of the kids. When and if your children hear you arguing with your ex about how much time you want with your children, lovingly explain to them that they are so loved, everyone wants them to be around!

Next, how on earth do you figure out Christmas with your ex? Each parent needs to figure out where they would like to be for Christmas and if they need to visit any relatives with the children. Then you and your ex can figure out how many hours or days are needed for each side. Unfortunately there's no way around it. Unless you have a great relationship with your ex and can be together under the same roof with the children and/or relatives, you must choose days to spend with them. A good idea is for one parent to have the children on Christmas Eve, and the other parent to have them Christmas day amd then switch every year.   If you are in a blended or step family, talk with your spouse and coordinate the various schedules of all families concerned. It's great to have all the kids in the house on one day to celebrate Christmas.

As always, the goal of the family is to create strong ties and lasting memories. For the single parent or the blended or step family, establishing traditions the child can count on will bring togetherness and a sense of security to the children. Every year, I plan a night of decorating the house and tree with my family. I have visions of cookies in the oven with their heavenly scent, Bing Crosby crooning on the radio, children laughing and putting up ornaments, while a fire burning in the fireplace warms our hearts.

O.K. here is how it really goes every year. We have to turn off the radio because dad needs to hear the Laker game, the cookies are burnt, the kids are arguing while the dogs are breaking ornaments, dad is yelling at the kids because they are not using the proper "5-inch apart ornament rule", we end up arguing and we forgot to put the log on the fire. Oh what fun! Oddly enough, every single year without fail, my children ask when we're doing "decoration night". Could it be that they do not remember the actual events of this evening and only hold on to the memory of the tradition and bonding of the family? Yes! So don't fret if your ideas of Christmas traditions don't turn out the way you planned, just have them, enjoy them while you can, and laugh a lot!

Christmas can be a hectic time for parents and children. Between school programs and Christmas parties to shopping and wrapping, the family tends to get inundated with activities. The child of the blended or divorced family may not have consistency or an uninterrupted time with each parent, but the one thing they have is plenty of presents. Not only do they receive gifts from each parent and their respective relatives, but also if the parents are remarried, they receive gifts from the stepparents and their whole extended family. Blended families can result in up to 16 grandparents alone!

As we visit four houses in two days, each with it's own cycle of eating, opening presents, cleaning up wrapping paper, and transferring the gifts to the car all before exchanging kids with the ex, we should remember what we're celebrating and schedule a time of focus for our children. We are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and we should honor it as such so that the holidays won't just be a time of receiving so many gifts that they don't even care anymore. Don't tell me your child hasn't found a gift around May that they didn't even know they had!

To do this, we have established a tradition in our home of making Jesus a birthday cake. We invented our own recipe and we bake and decorate it together every year. Even if it's just candles it's still fun. Each Christmas morning when everyone wakes up and it's still quiet and the coffee is just brewing, we take out the birthday cake and sing 'Happy Birthday' to Jesus. After our song, we take the cake outside so the wind can blow out the candles. Then the first slice goes to the guest of honor and we leave it out for Him. The best part is that we get to have cake for breakfast! It's a special day so special rules apply - besides, is it really any different than pancakes smothered in syrup or those really healthy fruit loops we buy our kids?

Whatever time you establish with your family to celebrate the real reason for the season, it will be something they will never forget, and something they can pass on to their own children.

Merry Christmas!

Patty Moyes resides in Corona, California with her husband and blended family of four children.  She writes about blended families in the San Barnardino Examiner to give insight and hope to those needed advice on establishing and enjoying their family.  You may email Patty at pattymoyes@yahoo.com