A reader asks:  I am new stepdad. Children are 6&9. Their biological father is voicing his dislike of me to the children. I can tell they feel guilty and conflicted about having a good relationship with me. What can I do to help them?

Shirley Cress Dudley responds:  I know it's tough, but there are some key principles to remember that will really help you out in this situation.
Don't get defensive- your stepson's dad is feeling threatened by the new dad in the family, so don't take it personally. 

Always speak positively about their biological dad (in front of the kids.)  Yes... I know this one is really hard- but it's important.  You and your wife can set the positive example of how the co-parenting relationship should be.  In communications with her ex, your wife should mention that you are going to only speak positively about him in front of the children and expect him to do the same.

Here are some helpful statements you can make to your new stepkids:

• "In this house, we aren't going to speak negatively about any of the parents, and that includes your Dad.  He loves you and so do we."
• "It takes a while for everyone to get used to a new blended family- including the parents."
• "It's O.K. to like me and spend time with me.  Having fun with me, your stepdad, doesn't mean that you don't love your Dad anymore.  It's not competition- you can enjoy the time you spend with both of us."
• "I'm not your Dad, but a new addition to your family, your stepdad, who will love you and do what's best for you, when you are in my care."

Good luck to you and congratulations on your marriage and your new blended family!  For more information, you may want to check out our articles, newsletters, and also Chapter Four and Chapter Seven of Blended Family Advice ebook.