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How to establish and defend your role as step parent

There is no instruction manual for becoming a step parent; any more than there is a manual on how to be any kind of parent. What kind of step parent you are or wish to become is entirely up to you, your blended family spouse, and how well you both manage to set your own agenda and carry it through. One thing is certain, however: you can expect to hear from all sides about your step parenting abilities or failings.

Not-so useful comments made to step parents

• You are not a real parent.
• You are not a good step parent.
• There are other step parents doing a better job than you.
• You are overstepping your bounds.
• You are not doing enough.
• You are not properly looking out for your step kids.
• You should butt out.
• You are doing that all wrong.

It really is all up to you

If you are partnered with a man or woman with children from a previous relationship, you may have heard some of these observations. But here is an important fact: you are the only person who can define your identity as a step mother or step father. No matter how you feel pushed, pulled, coaxed, or otherwise manipulated, it is still your job alone to figure out how you can best work in this role. No one else is responsible. Many people in your life, including your blended family partner, will want a say in how you define yourself, so you will need self-discipline and clarity as you figure out how to proceed. Not that you should ignore the opinions of your partner, or your step kids to some extent, but you must feel comfortable within yourself and with the scope and reach of your influence over your step kids. Ask for support from friends and your spouse as you feel your way toward a comfortable identity as step parent, and give yourself a break when you find your inner voice being critical.

You are not your relationship with your step kids

There is a big difference between who you are as a step parent and your relationship with your step child. A relationship between two people is a dialogue, and both step parent and step child bring something to the discussion. The more comfortable and stable each person feels, the better their relationship. Who you are as a step parent can create an environment that encourages openness and trust. The simple fact that a step child does not accept your role as step parent does not mean you are a bad step parent.

Take a breath, take a break, and take heart

There is no how-to manual for step parents. How you define and carry out your role as step parent depends on you, your values and your commitment, your compassion and understanding, and your willingness to accept rejection or failure – for the time being. Parents and step parents alike are all in the same boat: we do the best we can with the information we have at hand, and hope our parental choices turn out well. Sometimes we will not be as successful as we would like, and we need to give ourselves a break when this occurs. No one is perfect. When we are willing to accept and even celebrate today for what it gave us in successes and disappointments, we can also be willing to embrace tomorrow for its possibilities. Good luck in your step family. If you need additional assistance, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for coaching.

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Identifying the role of step parent in the blended family is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Blended family life is no fairy tale

Blended families are not usually mentioned positively in the fairy tales of our childhood. Who would have thought that fairy tales could have such a big influence on us after we became adults.  Thanks to scary tales about unkind step mothers who made the lives of their step kids miserable, step parenting has a very sketchy reputation. This, despite the fact that society is changing the way it looks at divorce, remarriage, and the blended family. As a result of these conflicting expectations of step parents, friends and family offer an approving nod to those of us who are willing to raise a child who is not ours, but their support is conditional. As step parents, we must constantly prove we are not unkind, unloving, nor vindictive or jealous. Proving a negative is difficult, to say the least, and no one knows that better than a step mother.

Take the lead from your partner- the biological parent

At least at first, before you both have established yourselves as caring, fair, and fully participating parents in your blended family, stand back from correcting or disciplining your step kids. Your direct input will almost certainly be unappreciated, and may give the kids an excuse to rebel against your very presence in the blended family home. When the biological parent takes the lead, new or difficult rules may be accepted more easily, and you are less likely to be blamed for them. Notice how your partner presents new ideas, manages behavior, and encourages compliance with his or her kids. If the method is working well, you can adopt it; if not, you and your partner can discuss measures to improve this kind of communication.

Helpful tips for step parents

• Be patient and do not expect too much too soon. Love and relationships ordinarily develop over a period of time.  It is okay if you do not fall immediately in love with your step kids, or if they do not like you right away.
• Step parenting, at least at the beginning when you first merge your two families into one blended family, is best done from a respectful distance. Let the biological parent take the disciplinary lead.
• Keep your marriage healthy. For blended or step families, the most important factor is a strong bond between husband and wife.  Your stable marriage is vital to the security of your blended family.
• Avoid competing with the ex-spouse of your partner, and do not try to take over their parenting role. Also, encourage your spouse to be an involved parent with his or her non-custodial kids; this means keeping the lines of communication open between partner and ex-spouse.
• Respect the differences in your family histories and rituals.  Discuss which customs and rituals your blended family will continue, which you wish to let go, and which new family rituals you would like to create.
• Be aware of potential money problems. Money pressures are usually greater for step families, and your best approach toward money management is clear and honest communication. Also helpful is compassion and understanding.
• Be sensitive to sexual matters. Especially in the early months of your marriage, be aware that overt displays of affection make some step family kids extremely uncomfortable. Take care that everyone has the privacy they require.
• Do not be surprised if your step kids, or your own bio kids, express anger toward you. Children often carry hurt and frustration long after the breakup of their parents and the remarriage of one or both of them. Their feelings are typically expressed as anger, and often directly toward their step parent.  Try to understand the anger, and realize that expressing feelings is healthier than keeping them bottled up inside.

There is help available for your step family

No one is saying that building a blended family is simple; it takes compassion, patience and hard work. You can glean helpful information from blended family websites like this one, read books like Blended Family Advice, join a support group, and look for help wherever you can. Try to establish your blended family home as a place your kids can feel the accepted and appreciated, where they can count on stable parenting and clear direction in a life full of contradiction and upheaval. Step parenting and parenting in a blended family is hard; no question about it, but it can change a child’s personal history of a broken home to a wholesome and supportive blended family history. If you need more help, then contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for coaching.

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Living happily ever after in a blended family is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Communication in your blended family

As blended family managers, leaders, and parents, you have so many responsibilities and goals. Sometimes it is hard to know where your attention is most needed. This question, though, has an easy answer. Your prime directive is to make a success of your marriage. Without it, you stand to lose – and your children do, too – the nurturing and stable home environment you all want and need.  A strong marital relationship provides the confidence, support, and most importantly, the relationship model your entire step family needs to grow together in a caring and mutually supportive family unit.

Taking care of business

Give your marriage the attention it needs, deserves, and thrives on. You never hear a recently divorced person say their marriage failed because their spouse was such a good communicator. The lack of useful communication between couples is often a major reason for break up.  If one or the other is not talking, or ignoring the other, you have a major problem in your relationship. Your marriage deserves better, and so does your entire step family. Make it a point to spend quality time together, to talk, to celebrate your relationship, to remember why you fell in love, to make plans for your future together. Go out together, without the kids, on a regular basis. Sure, the kids need you at home. But, even more, they need you to be in a stable and supportive relationship so you can help them cope with the relationships in their lives.

Conflict is standard fare for the blended family

Many people are simply uncomfortable with conflict, and try to avoid it at all costs. This may sound fairly agreeable, wishing to avoid unhappy feelings, harsh words, or blame, but if you and your blended family partner cannot feel comfortable talking things out, how are you going to manage your blended family? You need to be able to talk through and find solutions for issues your biological kids and step kids are having, and problems you and your spouse experience as step parents. The fact is, the blended family home is highly susceptible to conflicts that can undermine your best efforts to build a place of peace and contentment for you and your children. If you do not feel comfortable with conflict, you should make its acquaintance soon.

Four precursors of marital problems

Your marital relationship is vital to the survival of your blended family. How are you doing? Here are some indicators that poor communication skills are dragging you and your relationship down.

• Personal attacks. Instead of asking for what you want, you criticize the other as a person whenever you are disappointed with their performance or behavior.
• Defensiveness. In response to being questioned or criticized, you counter attack to avoid taking responsibility for the issue. When arguing, you bring up unrelated issues that give you leverage or resurrect old arguments that take focus away from you.
• Contempt.  Name calling and treating one another as flawed or inferior show a disregard and disrespect for one another that can be hard to overcome.
• Stonewalling.  Shutting down or withdrawing emotionally and physically from the relationship are clear signs that your marriage is in trouble.

If any of these indicators seem to fit you and your step family partner, seek counseling as soon as possible to avert an impending disaster. Your blended family is counting on the two of you to make things work. Good luck with your blended family. It takes work but is worth the effort. If you need additional assistance, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for coaching.

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Key to blended family success is communication is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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In a blended family, Mother’s Day can mean conflict

Does this sound familiar? Mother’s Day is just around the corner, but as a step mom with a strained relationship with the kids in your blended family, you do not have unrealistic expectations of flowers or lovingly worded cards.  On the other hand, maybe this is familiar: your own step kids always remember you on Mother’s Day, but their dad has asked them not to tell their bio mom. Sad for Mom and sad for the kids.

Is Mother’s Day just for bio moms?

Nobody can argue with the idea of thanking mothers for all they are, and for all they do. Moms and grandmothers everywhere look forward to gestures of love and gratitude from their kids on Mother’s Day, and rightfully so. Unfortunately, although being a step mother requires similar devotion and effort, many step moms never experience the ritual of loving feedback that biological moms get.  Try to include in your blended family rituals a standard for celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day along with all your other blended family celebrations and holidays.

Putting a plan in place

You and your blended family partner must be the ones to define your role as step mom, and to plan for events like Mother’s Day. Absolutely vital to your plan is that you both agree on the basics of all your new family rituals, especially ones that support your leadership positions within the blended family.  As the managing partners in your blended family, you both set guidelines, but when it comes to his kids giving you Mother’s Day honors, it is up to bio dad to set the tone and standards of behavior. If step mom plays any kind of role in the lives of her step kids, she deserves to be honored, and Mother’s Day is a perfect day for them to thank her. It is bio dad’s job to instill this gesture of appreciation and respect toward step mom.

Living and teaching by example

Hopefully, celebrating their biological mom comes easy for your step kids. As step mother, be sure to encourage the kids to do something special for their bio mom on Mother’s Day. Your caring gesture will not go unnoticed. Neither will ensuring that, no matter whose scheduled visitation weekend it is, the kids get to spend Mother’s Day with their biological mother. It is good to remind children how important parents are – biological or otherwise – and encourage gestures of respect and appreciation. Biological moms, you should rise to the occasion. It might be a challenge, but express your gratitude to the step mother of your kids. Consider sending a card to the step mother of your kids on Mother’s Day. If you cannot manage a card, how about a hand-written note of thanks?

When bio moms and step moms can share Mother’s Day and allow their shared children to pay respects to both of the important women in their lives, everyone in the extended blended family benefits. Show the kids you love that you have room in your heart for everyone, and teach them to feel the same. Blended family children and their parents – biological or otherwise – are happier when love and acceptance are all-inclusive. Have a great Mother’s Day.

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Sharing Mother’s Day is a blended family necessity is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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When your kids hear negative talk from your ex-spouse

Parents who badmouth their ex-spouse in front of the children simply do not understand how such negative behavior affects their kids. All the unhappy parent knows is that he or she is angry and hurt, with an urgent need to feel supported and understood by their kids. Ignorance is no excuse, however, for unloading adult feelings onto your children, in effect demanding that they somehow make you feel better.  It is your duty as the grown-up, as the parent, to help your children cope with divorce, remarriage, and the many challenges of step family life. Expecting your kids to be your sounding board or confidante, to help you cope, is grossly inappropriate.  It is especially unfair to expect your kids to take your side against their other parent

Shared loyalties are central to blended family life

Children in a blended family situation have shared loyalties. They feel loyalty, in varying degrees, to biological parents, to step parents, to step siblings, and to other extended step family members. The inner conflict that badmouthing creates for children can be crushing.  At a time when they need encouragement rather than division, kids often react to pressures which would split their loyalties by withdrawing from everyone rather than having to take sides.

How to help when your kids hear bad things about you

If you learn your ex-spouse has been badmouthing you, your new spouse, or your step children – to your kids, ask them how they feel about what they have heard, and listen to their thoughts. Be careful to react with more concern than anger, the concern being for your children. Empathize by saying that you understand how upsetting it must be to hear those things.  If they have been told something that is untrue, clarify the misinformation immediately, then simply state that the other parent was mistaken. Do not retaliate by saying cruel things about the other parent. That will only make matters worse.

Can you make your ex stop badmouthing you?

In the past, step family counselors tended toward recommendations to hold your tongue and avoid confrontation, but many experts are now saying it might be best to address the issue formally. Meet the problem head-on by making a formal request that your ex-spouse stop badmouthing you, your blended family partner, or the step siblings of your kids. Often, the parent doing the badmouthing honestly does not realize he or she is behaving badly, but may resent hearing it from you. You may want to ask a trusted relative to call it to their attention. Or you might suggest a meeting with a counselor or mediator to discuss the problem and agree on ways to rectify the situation for the benefit of your kids. Sometimes being held to account as all it takes for your ex-spouse to stop the negative behavior.

Teaching the truth and other life skills

If your ex-spouse does not want to cooperate, you and your blended family partner are on your own and will need a more proactive approach. Make your step family home an environment where people make judgments based on what they know is true, not on what they hear. Teach your kids, and your step kids, that simply hearing something over and over again does not make it true.  Encourage them to ask questions about everything, including things they may hear from your ex-spouse, and to consider whether something he or she says about you or the blended family members sounds likely or totally impossible. Promise your kids that you will always tell them the truth, and then, always tell them the truth! It can be quite a consolation, or perhaps a warning, that kids do figure out the truth of what their parents have said by the time they become adults.  If you need additional assistance contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for coaching.

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Handling the hateful things your ex-spouse says to your kids is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Before you decide to merge into a blended family

You now find yourself hoping a blended family environment can help you and your kids recover the sense of future and permanence which was lost to your widowhood or divorce.  Are you thinking of marrying someone with their own kids? Remarriage after a death or divorce comes with more than a few challenges, but when there are children involved, the challenges increase; when both partners bring kids into the step family, they increase exponentially. Please be sure your decision to remarry is as well-considered as it is well-intentioned.

Blended family basics

Basic decisions regarding fundamental issues will be among your first considerations.

• Finding an entirely new home for your two merging families is generally the best, though not always achievable, option. If some of you will join an already established home, have you considered how to make the new residents feel welcome?
• Parenting styles, discipline, and setting household rules and expectations should be thoroughly discussed prior to merging two distinct families. Have you thought about what changes will be needed, both before and after the merge, regarding rules and disciplinary measures?
• The scope of authority for parents as they relate to step kids is a common source of conflict for step families. Agree on a plan of action, but be willing to make adjustments if and when they are warranted.
• Discuss possible ways to help your kids adapt to blended family life, keeping in mind that your hopes, dreams and expectations may differ radically from those of your children. Give your kids, and their feelings, the understanding and respect they deserve, but all the while striving for the stable and nurturing blended family environment you have in mind for them.
• The central blended family partnership, marriage, is key to the success of your blended family development. Agree on a plan of action that will keep your relationship at the top of your priority list. Without your strong example of a healthy relationship, your kids may not learn how to build one for themselves later on.
• Discuss and plan measures to build and maintain relationships with ex-spouses which will support co-parenting efforts.

Questions to ask before walking the step family path

Stepping onto the blended family highway is a step of faith. You know it will be challenging, if not outright difficult at times, but you feel confident in the love and commitment you and your new partner share. Good! Love does not, sadly, conquer all; but it can help remind you why you merged your families to begin with, and help focus on what you hoped to accomplish when you chose a blended family future together. Also necessary are factors like the ability to compromise; a desire to make a real and positive influence on the lives of your own kids and your step kids; a willingness to try new ways of doing things; a sense of humor; a healthy understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses, and an ability to forgive yourself and others for their failings. Acceptance. Compassion. Selflessness. Commitment.  If you need additional assistance, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center- we are here for you.

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Is a blended family the answer for you and your kids? is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Words are important, but not the only way to communicate in your Blended Family

Communication tools and actions help build a strong connection between blended family members. Spending time together as a family or in one-on-one activities, and even openly confronting issues that cause conflict, are important strength-building activities for a step family. Strong, well-functioning step families use a variety of communication methods with one another. A healthy blended family shares a number of communication skills, including listening to each other, addressing conflict directly and in a positive way, openly sharing personal interests and opinions, and taking part in activities together. Step family members work at building nurturing relationships by developing new family standards and rituals, treating each other with respect and consideration, sharing mealtime discussions and private family jokes, and by paying attention to body language and tone of voice as much as they do words spoken.

Additional communication skills for your step family

In addition to the important communication skills listed above, healthy step families also share these characteristics:

• Positive relationship with former spouse. When blended family parents are able to maintain a cordial relationship with their former spouse, positive communication between children and their parents is more successful.
• A committed relationship between the blended family spouses. Your new marriage is the center of the blended family, and a model for good communication, cooperation and consideration for your children.
• Compromise is an essential communication tool.  It signals that meeting the needs of the collective blended family is more important than being right, or getting your own way.

Active listening an important aspect of communication

Building a relationship with step children, helping your own children cope with the stresses of a new blended family and step sibling environment, and managing a new couple relationship all require you to pay close attention to what people are saying. When one of your blended family members speaks to you, listen. Try not to think about listening as something that can be multi-tasked. Stop what you are doing. Turn and face the speaker. Listen to words. Watch their body language. Hear the tone of voice. Respond with appropriate words, actions, and facial expression. By giving your undivided attention, you communicate your commitment to sharing your time with the speaker, and wanting to understand what the speaker needs, wants, or wishes to share with you. By making yourself available, you communicate the value you place on the speaker and his or her place in your life.

Words still do count

The words we choose when talking with blended family members are nonetheless important. Make it a point in your blended family home to use only respectful and considerate language with each other. Put name calling, derisive remarks, and mean spirited teasing off limits. Make family mealtime a platform for discussion where everyone can practice the art of cordial and meaningful conversation; learning to speak up, support or defend a point of view, and listen to opposing views are important life skills, and vital to the success of a blended family. Talk to and with each other. Make your blended family home a place where everyone can feel accepted, safe, and empowered to voice their ideas, wishes, needs and desires, without fear of reprisal or ridicule. Communication. Where would we be without it. If you have additional issue and need more assistance, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.

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Effective communication is the key to blended family success is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Blended family advice is where you find it

Blended family advice typically comes from people just like you and me, navigating their way through the fast-flowing river of furious fragility which so often is part and parcel of the blended family. We each have something to offer our fellow step family travelers. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking and answering questions, seeking and offering blended family advice, and by sharing our thoughts and feelings about the challenges of building one blended family out of unrelated parts.

Work at your marriage to help your blended family

If you want to do something positive to help your kids adapt to and benefit from step family life, work at your marriage. This piece of blended family advice focuses on the painfully true fact that the long-term success of your blended marriage is terribly important to your kids and your step kids. It is true, whether they realize it or not, and regardless of whether they even secretly wish it does fail! You owe it to yourself and to your kids to interact effectively and meaningfully as a couple, so that your marriage, the center of your blended family, is up to the job. A close and loving relationship deserves the energy and effort it takes to keep it alive. Make date night a mainstay of your schedule, and cancel this special time together only under catastrophic circumstances. The whole idea is to re-create the wonderful feelings of love and longing to be together that made you want to marry in the first place!

Say goodbye to your previous marriage

It is difficult to be wholly invested in your new relationship if you are still carrying around feelings from your previous one. While the terms death and divorce both sound so final, the familiar emotions, fears, and expectations that linger often interfere with truly living in the present. It helps to take a clear-eyed look at your old relationship, and recognize what you have lost. Grieving is important aspect of getting past either death or divorce, so do not try to opt out of the experience. This is an excellent time to look at things you wish you had known, done or said; look at things you might have done differently. These realizations can help you avoid repeating the same mistakes in your new relationship, and make it easier to separate the things your new spouse does from the things your former spouse used to do!

Set clear and reasonable boundaries

Setting boundaries benefits everyone in your blended family, including extended family members like ex-spouses. Examples of physical boundaries could include the master bedroom being off limits, or food and drinks being allowed only in the kitchen or dining room.  Behavioral boundaries might define curfews, household chores, and restrictions on disrespectful or abusive language. Setting clear emotional boundaries for an ex-spouse who habitually calls just to chat or to ask for advice about personal problems can remind you and your blended family partner who is and who is not entitled to your emotional support, and help the ex-spouse accept a new reality. The topic of setting boundaries is high on the list of helpful methods of building a blended family that works.

Keep reading blended family advice

Keep reading step family advice, and keep searching for quotes about blended families that speak to you and your blended family situation. The task of managing a blended family is a challenge, and no one person has all the answers. Stay engaged, and stay open to ideas and suggestions to help your step family grow into a mutually supportive and loving family unit that is home to the people you love.

If you need additional assistance, contact The Blended and Step Family Resource Center for help.

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Blended family advice is where you find it is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Sympathy for his ex-spouse, the bio mom

It can be difficult to feel sorry for the bio mom who seems to go out of her way to make it as hard as possible for your new spouse and for you. How can he balance managing her shrill demands with giving his new family the attention it needs? How can a new step mom develop a meaningful relationship with her step kids if their bio mom has nothing but negative things to say about her? To make matters worse, a toxic bio mom very likely is also making things even more difficult for her children. How can they accept their new step mom if even liking her makes them feel guilty?  If the bio mom of your step kids is driving you up the wall, imagine what it feels like for the kids!

Encouraging an unpleasant bio mom to detoxify

Many step family experts suggest the bio mom is simply terrified of losing anything more than she has already lost, and does not know how to express her fears in a more productive way. Regardless, when you show patience and understanding for their bio mom, your step kids can feel less pressure, and may even feel a growing respect for you. Try making things easier on the kids by neutralizing her toxic influence on you.  Never, ever, speak badly about her to the kids, and step up to support her parental authority and devotion whenever appropriate. Keep her posted on upcoming step family plans which may affect her time with the kids. Do not ask your step kids to call you Mom. Help them choose cards and gifts for her on Mothers Day, birthdays, and other family holidays. These measures cannot guarantee Bio Mom will clean up her act, but your example can at least set the standard for responsible behavior.

Dealing with his toxic ex-spouse

As a new blended family wife, you have seen how confrontational, hurtful, unfair, demanding, and downright unreasonable a toxic ex-spouse can be; you know how your husband struggles to keep their tattered relationship on an even keel for the sake of the kids. You also know that while he is busy attending to her crisis of the day, your husband is less available to you and to your blended family. You can help your husband by supporting him and letting him know you understand his dilemma; you can help your marriage by asking your husband to begin treating his former wife as less of an ongoing responsibility and more as an ex-spouse. This means contact should be limited strictly to co-parenting matters and nothing else. It also means that he is in charge of dealing with any issues over inappropriate contact. Your getting involved with the ex-spouse over these kinds of conflicts would be as unproductive and ineffective as trying to handle her toxic bio mom behavior.

Your role as step family spouse of a partner with a toxic ex-spouse is to be supportive, make helpful suggestions, request changes which could increase your comfort level, and then step back and allow him to handle things. Your role as a step mom is to help your step kids cope with the negativity and confusion their toxic bio mom instigates. As always, good communication is your best tool in dealing with outside forces that challenge your blended family. Be sympathetic but direct with your spouse, reassuring with your step kids, and honest with yourself when it comes to dealing with a toxic ex-spouse or bio mom. Remember that you can control only your own actions, your own words, and your own reactions. The Dalai Lama advises that if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Take this important blended family advice, and wrest power back from toxic people who try to control your husband, your step kids, and your blended family.

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Blended family advice on coping with a toxic bio mom is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center

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Search blended family quotes

When you find yourself wondering where to turn for a new idea, for a new approach, or for a whole new attitude, browse step family quotes for a refreshing look at how someone else feels about their blended family. There are many websites containing quotes about blended families that offer a fresh point of view or a word of encouragement.

Conflict in the blended family

Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.  This observation by Timothy Bentley reminds that when we are struggling with step family relationships, we should be aware how fragile they can be. Indeed, attitudes control our lives.  To paraphrase Tom Blandi, the secret power of your attitude is at work twenty-four hours a day, for good or for bad. It is important to learn how to harness and control its influence on others. Listening to your spouse or a step child, really listening, means that you must set aside any preconceptions you have about them or about the subject matter at hand. It means that if you see your step child as a problem, your spouse as wrong, yourself as right but unappreciated, or the situation at hand as unsolvable, chances are that these so-called truths will be the end result of your attempts to address conflict.

Communication the path to understanding

What we really need to know we often learn best from someone who has already survived the divorce-remarriage-blended family-step family struggles which we are now facing.  Among the various books, articles, blogs, and websites written by step family veterans, across the board, all contributors stress the importance of good communication. Transparency, openness, and understanding are absolutely vital to healthy and effective communication, whether it is between blended family spouses, step parent and step child, step siblings, parent and ex-spouse, or with extended step family members. Read accounts of how others have approached blended family challenges, and re-read them again later on, to glean ideas you were not ready to understand the first time you read them. Words have a way of being understood only when the reader is ready for them. Keep at it!

Your blended family, like all families, will undergo its share of conflict, struggle, misunderstandings, arguments, crises, losses, and failures. Your blended family group can rise above all that and build loving step family relationships that nurture, comfort and sustain you all as a family with massive infusions of understanding, loving kindness, mutual respect, tolerance, and above all, patience. Hang in there! The effort is worth it the first time you hear a step child introduce you as My Other Mom or My Other Dad, or receive a spontaneous and heart-felt hug or thanks for the first time. Life can be very good for the blended family that learns to use all the tools available to help. Whether your inspiration comes from friends, books, or blended family quotes, run with it!

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Step family quotes a resource for blended family members is a post from: The Blended and Step Family Resource Center