The Blended and Step Family Newsletter

December 15, 2009

In this Issue:

• Reader Contributions
• Topic:  Preparing Emotionally for the Holidays
• Special Offers
  

Reader Contributions

I really appreciate the contributions from our community of writers.  Here are the some of the new articles for this month:

• When Parents Have Different Rules- by Patty Moyes
• Should Your Step Children Call you Mom? -by Patty Moyes
• What Remarried Dads Owe Their Stepmom Wives- by Joel Schwartzberg
• The Pick Up Artist (A normal weekend with the kids) by Joel Schwartzberg
• Ten Tips to Help Divorced Men Be Better Dads- By Paul Banas

Also, if you haven't checked out the Holiday Page, it's really quite useful and enjoyable to read.  Many guest articles, Question and Answer section, tips and holiday photos.

Holidays getting you "down"- don't forget about the Family Fun Page- filled with videos, stories, photos and other humorous quotes.

Topic:  Preparing Emotionally For the Holidays

The holidays can be a time of great stress and also depression for both adults and children.  Memories of the past, both positive and negative, can bring sadness into your newly blended family.  

Talk about the pain

Children sometimes have trouble expressing their emotions. Little ones may "act out" instead of being able to express their feelings.  For younger children, it's helpful for parents to talk to them and explain that- "I know things are different this year, and everything's a bit unfamiliar. Your Mom and I still love you very much. The holidays will be different, and we aren't married anymore, but you are still loved."

Older kids and teenagers may be able to discuss their feelings.  They may ask if Mom and Dad can celebrate the holidays together.  If either of their parents has not remarried, this is very confusing for the kids, and gives the impression that Mom and Dad could reunite one day.  Don't celebrate together unless both parents have remarried and you are able to have a happy, civil holiday together.

Be prepared for your ex-spouse to have extra holiday emotions

Your ex-spouse may also be sensitive around the holidays.  Small events, such as changing the visitation schedule by a couple of hours may set your ex-spouse into a tizzy.  Take a deep breath, and don't get defensive.  Remember that everyone has heightened emotions around the holidays.  Try to communicate by text or email, instead of picking up the phone to hear an ex-spouse yelling on the line.

Don't stress about the details

Everything will not work out perfectly. The kids may transition to your home late, the turkey may not cook completely, or your ex-spouse may even sabotage your holiday meal by stuffing the kids with sweets right before dropping them off to your house.  It's O.K.- really!  Just try to relax, life isn't normally perfect, so don't expect your holidays to be completely perfect either.

It just gets easier

As the years pass, it will become easier and easier for your blended family to celebrate the holidays together.  Children will learn what's expected of them, memorize the rotation (Am I at Mom or Dad's house the week before Christmas?) and become accustomed to celebrating with their stepsiblings and stepparents.

Blended Family Advice Special Offers:

• Only 35 Blended Family Survival Kits are left - special- $10.00 off (and then we're going to change the package.)  Click here to get your survival kit.
• Blended Family Advice If you haven't purchased your copy- here's the link and what others are saying about Blended Family Advice. UPDATE

Talk with you again soon. Send me your comments, suggestions, and blended family experiences.

Shirley

Shirley Cress Dudley

Shirley@BlendedFamilyAdvice.com

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Quick Links

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Contact Information

Email:  Shirley@BlendedFamilyAdvice.com

Web:   http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com